Poem by Nolan

The Land and the Man

 

The land and the man:

We circle you

We climb you

We claim you

We warm you with our blood

You suffer us

You conquer us

You defend us

You entomb us in your mud.

Upon you, we persist but for us, you exist.

 

From Nolan's Pen 

" I am utterly enthralled with God, literature, and motorcycles."

nolan blake price 

Vivo Per La Sfida!

 

PRICE

NOLAN BLAKE

MAY 28, 1991 - AUG. 24, 2012

"VIVO PER LA SFIDA!"


From Nolan’s blog- A Solitary Walk (these entries are marked with SWB)

Friday, July 20, 2012

Past the Western Gate

When I read that a man should have at least one goal that is unattainable in his own lifespan, I was inspired. What could be such a tremendous and glorious goal that a man would set, yet not be able to achieve? And I'm not talking about not likely achieve. For instance, setting a goal to make one trillion in a month does not qualify. I mean a real quality goal. Mine hasn't taken full form yet in my mind - however, I know what it the big picture of it is. My goal... my chief goal that will not be attainable in my own lifespan, is to establish lasting principles and traditions of the Price family. That is my goal: the Price family.



SWB Friday, October 7, 2011

Brother Sun, Wicked Moon

(a rough draft of my thoughts)

Once lovers, long ago.
Sun and Moon as one sphere, an eclipse eternal.

Was it God's great course to sever those bonds inseparable?

Or more apparent her passion for the stars that caused their love to forego?


Moon, oh adulterous Moon!

Your presence brings the oceans to well up in repugnance at your drawing near.

Creatures of like character reign malignant terror when you shed your lustful glimmer upon their villainy.


Yet so beautiful your face, so gracious your glow.

Did the lures of the sea take form after you?

Or rather you likened your radiance after them?

Truly, only the latter gives explanation for your wounding descent.

Bitter was the day -- yet still.


Sun, oh glorious sun!

The untamed passions of your heart burst forth in every direction!

In them a most calamitous capacity,

Equaled - no - surpassed by their endowing love and joy abundant.

Albeit reckless, a heartening life.


Was it God's great course that swayed the orbits for you to align just so?

Or truly the times faux and old that you couldn't let go?

And so came the eclipse (a looming reminiscence of the way things used to be).

Yet now, just a passing by - this time just a passing goodbye.


This first piece is from a single piece of paper I found in Nolan's file here in Germany. I guesstimate it was written in 2010 or 2011.

I am Truly a Selfish, Proud, and Faithless Man

     

People like Luther didn't dedicate their life to improving themselves into mighty warriors of God. They dedicated their lives to improving the Christian world, to improving the world.

I spend countless hours thinking, working and meditating on how to improve myself. Even though my preached intentions are to becoming a fierce and dedicated warrior for the glory of God alone, my goals and my dreams are more of a blessing to me than the world around me.

Why do I spend countless hours praying that God would let me capture the word strong, and not spend those hours asking that He would use my life for the benediction of the world- like the people in history that matter must have?

People like Martin Luther were so very frail and human, yet conquered the world. So what am I trying to be when I ask for such a simple minded strength: to conquer myself? So why do I acknowledge the greater goal, yet pursue the lessor? Because I lack faith. I wish to do something for my God, yet I lack the faith that He will use me to affect this world. Therefore, I pray and work for something of lessor magnitude, hoping that in under-achieving I will at least achieve something.


All that I have stated above is further evidence that I am a proud, selfish, and faithless man, and therefore, virtually worthless.


May God use this worthless man for the glorification of His kingdom.


Sincerely,


Nolan Price


 

From Nolan’s blog- A Solitary Walk (these entries are marked with SWB)

Friday, July 20, 2012

Past the Western Gate

When I read that a man should have at least one goal that is unattainable in his own lifespan, I was inspired. What could be such a tremendous and glorious goal that a man would set, yet not be able to achieve? And I'm not talking about not likely achieve. For instance, setting a goal to make one trillion in a month does not qualify. I mean a real quality goal. Mine hasn't taken full form yet in my mind - however, I know what it the big picture of it is. My goal... my chief goal that will not be attainable in my own lifespan, is to establish lasting principles and traditions of the Price family. That is my goal: the Price family.

 

From leather journal with “Vilinius” on cover (these entries are marked with V)

5 July 2012

"Self-pity is the most vile idea a man can entertain. What is vile in life? Things I hold severe disdain for: Dependence- a man should only depend on God Almighty and his family. A simple mind-  what a slothful thing! A mind that rejects and denies deep thought or conversation.... Surrender- What can truly be so treacherous that a man MUST surrender? Nothing. Die and be united with the Lord first. Selfishness- No trait could be farther from manliness than selfishness. The understanding that I've come to is that, following God's lead, the essence of Poet-Warrior manhood is SELFLESSNESS. My words cannot do justice to the lessons of selflessness and manhood that are to be learned from Jesus. So, I will rest my case on that note." NBP

 

V June 10, 2012

I am waiting on a plane to leave Tennessee ultimately. I am leaving my brother and hjs life- married life. … Married life… the idea seems to be an echo from a parallel universe. As if from the opposite end of this canyon the very idea was shouted- bouncing from rock wall to rock wall, somehow making its way into my ears… so silent, yet it makes my ears ring. And how does one navigate to the origin of such an echo? NBP

 

V 18 August 2012

I have embraced my father for the last time until he returns from his deployment to Afghanistan (with the 160th Forward Surgical Team). I cried so hard. I am so awfully proud of him. …Nolan Blake Price

 

V 23 August 2012 (Nolan’s last entry, two days after arriving back to campus)

I am back. Life is really a torrent. It feels better to be back than I expected- albeit it doesn’t feel good.

Last night was fight club- man I really get a thrill out of fighting. The awesome feeling of taking a blow to the head is second only to the elation of landing a blow. I want to fight where it counts though. And I’d rather fight than box. But oh well, if boxing is all I can get, then I’ll eat it up. Nolan Blake Price


16 Dec 2012 (green hardback record journal) (these entries marked with G) (this is the same journal he was using in England and Germany)

So much has happened. I went to OCS and tasted the Marine Corps for the first time... Of course it wasn't pleasant- but it was also an awesome experience, despite the massive gut wrenching suckage. I learned a lot and that's what life is all about.

Straight away I went back to CCC. Knocked out another semester, this time I had a different mentality- I decided to consciously spend more time and focus more on David than on my studies. However, God was good and I'm pretty sure I got four A's and one B. That won't be certain until the 23rd.

No relationships. Not much changed here. To be completely honest, some girls at CCC are really forward about their attraction.

Well, I'm on that plane again---- how it destroys the barriers that separate us from our brothers and sisters. So many things can be experienced in this day and age.

Shayna is already there with Ma and Pops. David and I will be there in six hours maybe.It's A PRICE FAMILY FIVE REUNION.

NBP


 

V 25 Jan 2012

I feel much more upbeat despite the fact that nothing has changed in life, really. As I write this I sit in front of the most glorious scene: the ocean- a sincere friend. Perched atop a craggy rock only a foot above the clamorous blue. I see a sailboat near the horizon in front of me. What a sight, the full mast sails of adventurous freedom. I’ll know them someday. You have not gone unheard friend. To ignore your request would be to deny my greatest desire. Just wait a little while longer, won’t you? Someday I will hold your hand and you will show me the world. N.B.P.

 

V 16 Dec 2011

To Germany again…Another semester lost in the sands of time. Another four months of accomplishments and failures, of wasted opportunities and everlasting memories. I had the fortune of being seated next to a really cute girl. Who cares right? ha ha I’m not sure that I even care. Home…family… they are my only comforts other than the jubilation I feel when I ride a motorcycle. Only during school breaks and spontaneous cruises throughout the semester do I feel freedom. – I sound like a harleyer I know. But I can’t get around it. I would rather ride one of my motorcycles than do anything else.

 

V 21 May 2012

I believe that everyone whether they know it or not, desires to change the world. Is it pride? I don’t want to live, strive and die affecting nothing but my own present time- like the billions upon billions of men throughout the past. Brilliant men. Men that deserve to be known. Brave, valiant men. Men who spent their lives striving and improving- Yet all for not. “And how does the wise man die? As the fool!” Phenomenal men lived and died affecting nothing but their present time. That does not change the world. And some argue that every single action a person commits ultimately affects the world- this is true. But that is merely and inevitable course of science- not a course of merit. So what’s the point?

The founder of Facebook just became (overnight) worth 19 billion. If he was a philanthropist he could change the world. What if he gave it all away? But greed is too powerful a pull. I think that to change the world a man faces the ultimatum between pleasing himself and changing the world. I will choose my family- the latter of the two choices. Nolan Blake Price

 

V 21 Feb 2012

Glory… There is some Godly thing that is captured only in the morning. I’ve seen such glorious things in my short time already. Korea, villages throughout Germany with their chimneys signaling, Rome, the sun rising in North Idaho, the smell of rain during a seven year drought in the Sonoran Desert.  Besides people, life is beautiful. N.B.P.

 

 

A Solitary Walk Blog- (these entries are marked with SWB)

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Pain.

The people's contribution: pain

Pain is such a terrible sight - I see it in everyone's eyes as I look across the room. But oh, it varies drastically. In some, there is a pain truly unbearable. With just one glance in the windows of their soul my heart wrenches.
Then there are those who I have only the coldest feelings for - those who have climbed that pile of broken, torn, bleeding, desperate souls. Finally on top, it seems they frolic in the amusement of other people's pain. They are the epitome of the weak. What disturbs me most is their thick calloused skin. Oh how many times have I tried to get them to realize that they contribute to a tragic and sickening cycle of hurt? More than I can count. Yet although they hear, few ever listen. They nearly always quip that broken and stricken people have brought it upon themselves -- somehow giving those bastards the right to ridicule them!? It outrages me! I think of people in my past. I think of ---. As long as I can remember, all that -- wanted was to be accepted. The people around him never considered his circumstances -- never considered his heart. Instead he was the butt of every joke, ridiculed and rejected! He had a father who was a rejecting and despising recluse. The only person he could look up to was his rather odd mother. His circumstances made him everything that he was (and what despicable sin is it to be nerdy or weird??) -- and it would have made you the same if they were yours. You selfish bastards! God almighty, for reasons that will forever be mystery to men, has placed you in a loving family, has given you all of your "qualities", and has made you who you are blessed to be. And from that perch (that you act like you earned) you wreak pain on others. Is it boastful that I say I am outside of this cycle on both ends? People don't hurt me. These days I very rarely feel the pain I am speaking of. However, I see it clear as crystal. And that is the pain I feel. A pain for other people's pain. It hurts my so to see it, that I rarely contribute to it. However, I do. I joke about someone behind their back and seek a laugh or a "better social standing" at their tragedy. I am disgusted with myself in those moments.
We must never, for one moment, forget what we are. If we always kept in mind the truth about ourselves, we would never hurt other people.


Emily Dickinson 465

 I heard a Fly buzz – when I died – 

The Stillness in the Room

Was like the Stillness in the Air – 

Between the Heaves of Storm – 

 

The Eyes around – had wrung them dry – 

And Breaths were gathering firm

(^Synecdoche - a part representing a whole)

For that last Onset – when the King

Be witnessed – in the Room – 

(^I argue that the "king" is death because he will be witnessed in the room)

 

I willed my Keepsakes – Signed away

What portions of me be

Assignable – and then it was

There interposed a Fly –  

(^Anti-climax!)

 

With Blue – uncertain stumbling Buzz –  

(^Synesthesia: speaking of one sensory experience with another sensory experience - mixing senses)

Between the light – and me – 

And then the Windows failed – and then

I could not see to see –

(^The last struggle)

 

04 Nov 2011 Meditations 1 (from a secondary journal) I am fasting for the day because we watched a sermon by Francis Chan for chapel about being lukewarm. He said that if you’re not on fire stop everything (stop eating) until you are. Therefore, weak as it may be, I decided to put off the needs of my body to take time to reconnect with God. I’m at my favorite spot on the causeway side road, reading Proverbs 18. Here are my thoughts… 18:2 we’re so caught up on voicing our opinions and beliefs. This verse encourages me to be more of a listener. 18:5 Easy to overlook, but very applicable, personally, I find myself being partial to those who do bad things- like partying or drinking or speaking perversely (joking): and on the flip side almost mocking people who are really trying to be good. 18:13 “He who answers a matter before he hears it,  It is shame and folly to him.” Many times we have hardened our hearts and are set in our own selfish foolish ways. I think this verse addresses that. Because of the condition of our heart we often don’t hear sound advice or wisdom- bring shame and folly 

SWB Friday, October 7, 2011

Brother Sun, Wicked Moon

(a rough draft of my thoughts)

Once lovers, long ago.
Sun and Moon as one sphere, an eclipse eternal.

Was it God's great course to sever those bonds inseparable?

Or more apparent her passion for the stars that caused their love to forego?

 

Moon, oh adulterous Moon!

Your presence brings the oceans to well up in repugnance at your drawing near.

Creatures of like character reign malignant terror when you shed your lustful glimmer upon their villainy.

 

Yet so beautiful your face, so gracious your glow.

Did the lures of the sea take form after you?

Or rather you likened your radiance after them?

Truly, only the latter gives explanation for your wounding descent.

Bitter was the day -- yet still.

 

Sun, oh glorious sun!

The untamed passions of your heart burst forth in every direction!

In them a most calamitous capacity,

Equaled - no - surpassed by their endowing love and joy abundant.

Albeit reckless, a heartening life.

 

Was it God's great course that swayed the orbits for you to align just so?

Or truly the times faux and old that you couldn't let go?

And so came the eclipse (a looming reminiscence of the way things used to be).

Yet now, just a passing by - this time just a passing goodbye.

 

SWB Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Women and Children First

When I was a boy I daydreamed of courage, valour, honour... things like that. As we age, the world tells us that those are foolish and immature thoughts. What a lie... God built inside of men a calling to be selfless, honorable, courageous, and valorous when necessary. "Women and children first!" I'm terribly afraid that that wouldn't be men's cry in a modern Titanic happening. A powerful story that illustrates chivalric manhood is the H.M.S. Burkenhead: In 1852, the British troopship H.M.S. Birkenhead was traveling to South Africa when she hit a ledge and foundered. On board were more than seven hundred men, women, and children. With only twenty minutes left before she would sink, the decision was made to place all women and children aboard the few life boats. The men would remain behind and face the man-eating sharks circling the disaster. Hundreds of men drowned or were eaten alive in full view of their children, but not a single woman or child perished that day. It is hard to be what a man should be. Yet so easy to be what men are. I'm twenty years old... I don't truly know what my manhood means yet. But I do know that God calls Himself the Lion of Judah.



May 10, 2011 (from a journal titled ENGLAND) (these entries marked E)

I am writing this in the Air Force Inn....waiting for the chance to get a room. The reason I have started this journal is because my main journal is resting at my brother's house in America. This is why....


Freshman year ended. I had to decide whether or not I would spend my two months of summer (before going to Officer Candidate School) with Grandpa and Grandma or with Ma and Pops in Germany. It was a painful decision, but I chose my parents.


Well up until 1500 yesterday, I had planned on catching a flight on Friday. I was on MacDill AFB to get my ID when Ma called me and told me that there was a flight to England in two hours. Since the flight I was hoping to catch on Friday was only going to take me to another city in the U.S., the flight to England seemed to be the least painful route- although spontaneous.

Thus, with only the clothes on my back, I caught the exhausting plane ride over. Tomorrow I fly for Germany.

Nolan Blake Price


E 11 May 2011

Well, I'm still in England. The flights thru Ryan Air fell thru. So I'll be here until a space-A opens up.

Today I rented a bicycle! It was awesome so I rode around England...on a typical English day...overcast and not really that warm. It was beautiful.. the scenery. I will never forget.

So the Air Force Inn is full...I'm out a room to stay - but that also means that I've saved 40 bucks!

Nolan Blake Price


E 12 May 2011

I am aboard the EasyJet plane now. I'll be in Koln in a a couple hours. England has been a very interesting experience. I'm glad that I was stuck here for a little while. That said, I'm glad that I'll be back with Ma and Pops. My sole focus right now is OCS. Every time I think about it I get nervous. It feels as though it is a looming cloud.


E 24  May 2011

I was thinking about mental preparation for OCS and after... the question was how bad do you want it? When it comes down to it, that's what pulls people through the hardest of times; how bad they want it.

I want to know what I've got. I knew that it was the Corps that could challenge me most. I've never felt fully confident in my ability. I hate questioning myself. I just want to do it and prove to myself what I've got. I wonder if that digging question will stop at infantry officer.

I want to give life all that I've got... and I hate the dissatisfaction that I feel when I don't - inexcusable weakness. Weakness.

I display weakness much too often. Weakness of mind mostly; but also weakness of body. So much more than questioning myself, I abhor weakness. The thought that I am being weak almost makes my stomach churn.

Last semester I displayed weakness. I did not prove anything good to myself period. I displayed a serious lack of focus and discipline. I believe that if you truly push yourself then there is no way that you won't get an A. Spring semester, I finished with 3 A's and 2 B's. Not one, but two B's. I haven't thought about it much because I don't like to. To a degree it has that effect on my stomach.

BACK TO THE BASICS!

- It's not about the performance, but rather the effort. I must lower my head and press through... Through anything and everything. As long as I truly give it my all, I am proud of that. That makes things easier.

Yes, back to becoming a better man- back to the basics.

Nolan Blake Price


E 3 June 2011

DEUTSCHLAND... It's good to be back. A year of college behind me already... wow. Time really flys when you're ...studying. In about a month I will be shipping out for Officer Candidate School in Quantico. I am excited- ready to challenge myself.

Nolan Blake Price


E 15-22 June 2011

In five years...

I will be twenty-five years old.

I will have completed my degree in accounting.

And two years in the Corps.

I aim to be a CPA by then. Married...hopefully a kid? That would be cool.

Goals by 25:

-CPA

-Marine officer

-Married

-Ducati?


E 22 June 2011

Rain is pouring down very hard right now. However it is being completely out done by the skies. Thunderstorms take me back to the little trailer in AZ. The power would always go out, forcing us to use candles (it seems the power would especially go out at night). With it being dark, the sound of rain and thunder, and the candlelight atmosphere, it seemed like the natural thing to do was to stop everything we were doing, huddle together and tell stories...or do schoolwork. I remember doing a lot of school on rainy days, ha ha.

David is at LDAC... a mile marker as for his military (ROTC) career. I am proud of him. This is what he wants and he is doing it. He's charismatic. He will make an outstanding officer. I hope the cadre see that at LDAC... I couldn't trust a person more than him.

Nolan Blake Price


14 April 2011 (from a secondary journal)

If I could stop time, I would do it just to sit and think for a very long time.

Pressing Onward,

Nolan Blake Price


07 April 2011 (from a secondary journal)

So this last weekend I was at "mini OCS,"Officer Candidate School. The Orlando OSO prepared us for OCS this summer. It was hard. It gave me the realization that this summer is not going to be fun at all. It was a wake up call that the path to becoming an officer will be a grueling endeavor. But that is why I aspired to become a Marine- almost with the never acknowledged question drifting in the back of my mind: Will I have what it takes? I am a Price. And my father is Shane Price. If I could amount to half of the man that he is, then nothing could be impossible. VIVAT FAMILIAS *(note- Nolan wrote vivat familias in large underlined letters along the side of this entry. It means long live the family or may the family live.)


18 March 2011 (from a secondary journal)

"Jesus said to them, 'Most assuredly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I AM.'" (John 8:58)

That is the God I want to serve- not school, or fun, or pleasure, or anything else that I often put before Him.


Spring break is almost over. I am ready to be productive again. I lost my wallet, the dogs chewed my pc cord in two, and Jago ate my motorcycle registration up...kinda crazy.


The Pillar of Trojan is an awesome poem by Wordsworth!


SWB Thursday, March 3, 2011

Dyfed

I would like to give a deep, philosophical update... but I don't feel it. So, a general update will be better than nothing! I'm in my Spring semester at CCC - a Freshman. I'm still focused. However, I've struggled with focus more this semester than I did last semester. I must always keep in perspective the reasons I left Germany to come here - not for fun, not to hang out with people, not for a girl. I came here to study. I came here to learn. I came here to ultimately earn a commission in the Marine Corps. That is my focus. Reading back on my older blogs, I realize that I may have lost footing a little bit in my determination to be a better person/Christian. It has been a struggle for me to maintain a music library that is Philippians 4:8 kind of music. It is good to reflect. I've started journaling... on paper. Haven't done that in a looong time. ha. But I am doing it in regard to my family goals. Maybe I'll explain that next time.

 x Nolan

 

SWB Monday, May 10, 2010

Burdened Thoughts

So many times I conclude my confusing thoughts with, damn. I apologize and I admit that I think that word a lot in my reflections. It’s just that often times... it’s really the only word left to say.


So I was in Roma for the past four days. Great time spent with my sis. We toured a lot of churches while we were there, including the Vatican of course. Seeing the Catholic church fresh in my face seriously disturbed me. It’s such a cult! It’s an exploitation of Christianity! It’s outrageous! The Catholic church is nothing but a fraudulent exploitation of what Jesus Christ did for us. Its full of idols, lies, greed, power...
And to think that I lost a good Christian friend to their sickening deceptions. . . damn. Christianity doesn’t consist of Rosary beads, or Scapulars, or saying a certain many Hail Mary's, etc. That my friend, is just religion - or should I say religiosity.

These things burden my thoughts. . .

My life update:
I was just in Roma -- dream accomplished (thank You Lord). And it’s kind of weird... cause it hit me while I was there, what’s next? I mean, I would like to go places, yeah, but I don't need to anymore. It’s very weird, and I don't like it. I don't like not yearning for a dream. But that’s where I am.

I taught my first Lifeguard course by myself (I've co-taught twice before that). That was awesome. Cool experience. And I teach another course starting the 24th of this month. God's been so good to me.

Next I want to write about manhood. . .
Ciao, alla prossima

I am utterly enthralled with God, literature, and motorcycles.

 

SWB Thursday, April 1, 2010

Vivo Per La Sfida!

Life is a trail of blood and tears -- for those strong enough.
...that's really all I want to say right now. Something about it makes me think that my shortcomings, or disappointments are because I'm "strong". Ha.
But then there’s a deeper part of me that shows grit. And wants to grin at my hardships; to take on the challenge with all my might.
Then the other side is irritated with that positivity.
I am torn between strength and weakness. And that in of itself is weakness.


Vivo Per La Sfida! - that is my favorite sentence in my favorite language. "I live for the challenge".

Per il mio Dio; per la sfida.

 

SWB Sunday, March 28, 2010

What is really required of us?

I would like to post in this blog more often, but it takes a certain mood for me to pour out my mind. :[ First off, voglio parlare di musica.
I've been searching for new bands to replenish my library. When I was revising my music library there were a few very hard moments. Particularly when I deleted The Killers... and then The Working Title... and then... Taking Back Sunday... and then Dredg... and then... etc.
But I've also found some great new bands like Queens Club and Close Your Eyes and others. Also I think I need to clarify my views on secular music. I don't think it's wrong to listen to a song that a non-christian creates. That's just legalism. For instance, is it wrong to listen to techno? Or would it be wrong to listen to Harder Better Faster Stronger by Daft Punk? I'm not saying this to cushion or soften my opinions on secular music. I think Philippians 4:8 should be our guide on this topic (as well as so many others),

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”


Can the lyrics in a secular song be true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy? If so, then there is nothing wrong with a Christian listening to a secular song of that nature.
But when we're honest with ourselves, how many secular songs can you say that about? Instead, I would say that a huge majority of secular songs are about the opposite of Philippians 4:8 (and always the ones we like). We really can't afford to compromise. And I've found in my own life that once you start compromising, it’s so much easier to compromise. We compromise little by little, then finally look back and wonder how we got so far away from where we used to stand. And what is it really worth? What is compromise ever really worth!?

Here's a great small article on the subject, http://www.gotquestions.org/secular-music.html

With that said, something else I would love to post on this is my opinion on serving your country. Some people might think its radical - nonsense ^_^ But I don't have the energy or time right now, so that shall be the next blog's topic!

In General:
I worked this crazy Easter egg hunt thing at the pool today. Pretty wild. Good crew tho. And the highlight was a CODE BROWN........ Yes. There was a small candy bar sized turd (quickly nicknamed Mr.Good Bar) misplaced at the bottom of the dive well today. And yes, of course, I had to go get it; along with my side kick, Kevin. Just another mundane task involved with guarding lives. (to think that I have a certification for this job...)

MY SISTER AND HER MAN WILL BE HERE SOON! In a week I think? Idk, but I cannot wait!

And random thought: sometimes (often) I entertain the thought of never getting married and maybe doing something absurd in the military and getting killed.

 

SWB Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Ma musique. Mon fardeau.

Paul was far from perfect, but I'm far from Paul... so what does that make me?? God really does call us to give up EVERYTHING for Him. What a burden this is on my ever dominant flesh!

Simply put, Matthew 4:18-22 leaves me dumbfounded.

"...He called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father, and followed Him."

Jesus' disciples literally dropped the nets in their hands, left their boats and belongings, their father and followed Jesus with everything they had in them. (All but one were eventually martyred)

And it makes you think, what have I given up? What have I given up for the God that gave up everything for me?? Such nerve, such audacity I have to hold on to my fleshly desires! What complete and utter incompetence and weak frailty of will and discipline!

The subject that God has slowly but definitely been placing on my heart is secular music. I was raised with a complete intolerance for secular music. I remember talking about it a lot with my family (especially my sister), and how it was such a terrible thing that so many good Christians fell to, and how it always seems to be a precursor to their backsliding. Eight years down the road, secular music has successfully crept inside my library. Secular artists have ranked among my favorite bands, and secular songs have the highest play count on my mp3 player.

Getting rid of all of those artists in my library is going to be a hard challenge for me... but I have no other options without compromise.

I would like to continue this later, because it’s a very significant discussion. Here is where I got some good thoughts, http://www.gotquestions.org/secular-music.html.

Rapid Update:
I went to my small group again. Great group. I'm hoping to learn and grow a lot from them. Being that I am (of course) so young compared to the rest, I'm keeping my mouth shut and my ears open. ^_^
Tomorrow morning I'm going to an awards banquet, because I was nominated for an award at my work! Pretty exciting.
Lately I've been dwelling a lot on my future in the military... where I can/should go, and where I will be able to go. I've also been dwelling on dying (as vague as that is).

 

SWB Monday, March 8, 2010

A Solitary Walk: Life

The sole purpose of this blog, A Solitary Walk, is to be an outlet for my rudiment thoughts, philosophies, ideas, and introspection.

Let me explain the title of this blog, A Solitary Walk (fully, A Solitary Walk: Life).

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone" - Orson Welles

While I may not believe in the entire validity of this quote, I like it. I like it because, although Orson might be going a little overboard, there is a degree of truth in his statement. People, things, experiences, friendships, they come and go with the wind; in the end, we're all that we've got. The only thing Orson Welles forgot was God. He will always be there for us, to guide us, to love us. But in an earthly/fleshly/non-spiritual sense, I couldn't agree with Welles more. Life is a solitary walk between man and God.

And if you're wondering what my screen name means...
It was an idea I had a long time ago on Xanga. Originally "marooning me", it comes from the idea of my ideal self, my Utopian self (if you will), marooning my sinful self.

vb ma-roon:
1. to abandon and leave without aid or resources
2. to put ashore and abandon on a desolate island or coast by way of punishment or the like

In closing, I look forward to spilling my mind on this blog.
Sincerely,
maroon3d

a love without warmth, a care without concern (thoughts on CLC)

 

Excerpts From Nolan’s Handwritten Journal Memoranda He Titled “Roads”

From FL, to TN, to AZ, to TN, to FL

3/9/07

…but my silent voice does nothing. I badly need to tell Grandpa how much I admire him… I’d live in regret if I never told him. I must. Later, Nolan

3/10/07

We’re on the road now! Mom, Grandpa and David have a new team name (thx to me) it’s the “Drama Team”. Grandpa is officially the DTL (Drama Team Leader).  …

3/24/07

We (me, Mom, Dad and David) had an AWESOME time yesterday! We went to Six Flags! It was sooo fun. It’s wonderful being with Dad again… It’ll be hard saying goodbye, such a simple word for such an emotional thing. It’s almost as if the word is trying to make the emotion simpler…       It failed. Love, Nolan

Roads cont.

4/3/07

Well, it’s over. I’m home. The trip was long, hard, and a time where my walk with God grew. There were fun moments but they were far too sparse. I am not complaining it was merely a taxing month. And I’m more than glad it’s over.  Praise the Lord He kept us safe. Love, Nolan

From Journal PRICE I1 USMC Officer Candidate School

To me true dignity is someone putting aside their own wants/comfort for the sake of motivating others to accomplish the mission at hand.

 

Black Moleskine Journal- (Nolan titled it Korea) (Nolan used JE for the words journal entry)

Korea 7/15/07  JE #1  (Nolan used JE for journal entry)

We’re here in South Korea! The landscape is beautiful.

GenJ Camp is fresh on my mind. I had a good time… How deep can someone think? How far can one go? Can one really think “too much”? Through thought is knowledge, and through knowledge is wisdom…and wisdom is key. I will keep journaling while in SK.

I hope I grow spiritually during this time. Nolan Blake Price

 

Korea 7/16/07

Yesterday I played at the park with a little Korean boy, and a little Korean girl. It was really cool. They were adorable little kids; and they loved me. They couldn’t speak a lick of English. I like it here in South Korea. I cannot wait to get a job. I think that living here will make me more independent… I hope J Nolan Blake Price

 

Korea 7/18/07

I went job hunting like mad the other day; which didn’t end so hot. I finally went to the ACS office and talked to a guy on the phone. He informed me that it was impossible to get “employed” here. So  I will have to make money on my own, well…me and Jesus J So I’m thinking about managing the trash for the people living in these complexes, that and teaching English to the Koreans. I’m just praying that God will open a door for me. His will be done.  Nolan Blake Price

 

Korea 7/31/07

Living here is such a blessing. It was merely a dream to live in a foreign country… God has made that dream come true. I feel I am going to mature in a lot of ways here… mentally, spiritually, emotionally. This will be quite a weathering experience. I believe the ending will be interesting. Nolan Price

 

Korea JE #7   8/18/07

The other day I was going to race my dad back to our house, Well, as soon as I took off I had to jump over the hood of a car, which I did, I landed sideways and my right foot completely folded. The race stopped there. Now I can’t go anywhere and I have a wrap on my ankle. I have to limp everywhere too. I might of sprained my ankle. Whatever I did it is going to be a while before I can go places again. L poor me. 9/24/07 I press on so my experience grows. Truly, Nolan Price

 

Korea JE #9 10/11/07

I busted my shin on cement… the second time. It happened (both times) by my attempt to jump on top of this curvy cement walkway thing at the bottom of our apt complex for bikes and handicap people. It hurts. Life has been hard to swallow lately, Hard doesn’t mean impossible, so I’m swallowing! J But things are slowly grinding me down. It’s times like these where silence betrays me.  When you hurt but nobody knows. You know you can’t break free from your silence, so you wait, and hope someone will take particular care in noticing the hidden. This rarely happens. People always let you down when you hope on them. Thankfully, we have God who never lets you down who always notices your hurts and needs, who cares to hear your silence, who understands what you make so hard to understand. Since somewhere around last year, I started a life goal, one that will never end or be completely finished; that vigorous goal is to become stronger. At  every moment, on every weakness, however hard, I will strive viciously to strengthen every weakness, that is why it will never end. I know it is a common ideal, but my goal is to fight for it like fighting for a dream- because in a sense, it is a dream of mine. So although many people have the ideal, few fight vigorously for it and I hope it will make a difference that I am so. In times in my life like this, where I feel exhausted, I wonder, ponder “Is this being weak? Is being exhausted natural and expected? Or is it just weakness?” While writing this it dawned on me; Dad told me once “How you gain stamina is by pushing past your utmost limits when you are exhausted.” What I am facing is stamina. It is to be expected, but it’s weak. And how to become stronger is by pushing myself past this limit, past this exhaustion. This is how to strengthen weak stamina. This is what I must do. Amen, thank You Lord. Nolan Price

 

Korea Hindsight 20/20 JE #13 6/24/08

I’ve been here almost a month now.. I am writing this in DC but that is irrelevant. I am writing this to conclude my remarks of the wonderful adventure I had living in the Republic of Korea. God taught me so much while I was there, And I truly did gain experience emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. God blessed my time there. To conclude, the relationships that we made during that time, we are still in contact with Ena and Ronnie- who is moving to the DC area too! The rest… will only keep contact with our hearts and memories, forever left behind in the realm of goodbyes and time. My conclusion to Korea: The Lord blessed me with a marvelous adventure where I learned, made friends, and gained life experience. I learned the Korean way of life and more importantly I learned and appreciated the American sacrifice to keep South Korea free, which is forgotten and disregarded. God bless Korea and God bless the USA. Nolan Price

 

 

Nolan often listed scriptures in devotional journals. He would list the verse and then give a little thought on it. Here are a few:

Proverbs 3:19-20- Amazing… simply amazing. If it was God’s wisdom and knowledge that founded the Earth, how much more should we seek those two out?

Proverbs 1:8- Father and mother both play important roles in gaining wisdom.

Psalms 2:11- Rejoice with trembling.

Proverbs 2:1-5- Amazing verses. Give wisdom your all.

Proverbs 3:2- Wisdom gives peace in life.

Psalms 4:4-5- How I plan to live my life.

Proverbs 5:9- Falling for the seductress is giving your honor away.

Proverbs 5:19- Love one woman til the day you die.

Psalms chapter 5- Often, the way David talks about God’s judgment should apply today. The wrath of God must be stirring, and about to spill over on us and the rest of the world.

Proverbs 6:22 Oh, the friend wisdom can be.

Psalms chapter 6- A beautiful, well written typical Psalm of God hearing our cries.

Proverbs 7:23- He thought it would just be a little fun….but it cost his life.

Proverbs 7:26- “strong men” One problem in that they especially thought they were “strong men”.

Psalms 7:3-5- David meant that with all honesty, a heart we should have too.

Psalms 7:10-13- God’s wrath is to be feared.

Psalms 8:3-5- Memorize these verses!

Proverbs 15:2 "Uses knowledge rightly"

-- not for self gain to make- to make oneself look better

--not to decide

Proverbs 15:14- "The mouth (heart) of fools feeds on foolishness"

-- TV shows, video games shallow pleasures

Proverbs 15:17 "Better is a dinner with herbs with love than a fatted calf with hatred"

--The very rich and the very poor.

Proverbs 18:2- we’re so caught up on voicing our opinions and beliefs. This verse encourages me to be more of a listener. Proverbs 18:5- Easy to overlook, but very applicable, personally, I find myself being partial to those who do bad things- like partying or drinking or speaking perversely (joking): and on the flip side almost mocking people who are really trying to be good. Proverbs 18:13- “He who answers a matter before he hears it,  It is shame and folly to him.” Many times we have hardened our hearts and are set in our own selfish foolish ways. I think this verse addresses that. Because of the condition of our heart we often don’t hear sound advice or wisdom- bring shame and folly
Proverbs 21:1 (11 March '12)
" the king's heart is in the hand of the Lord."
--We can have peace in politics.
Proverbs 21:2 "right in his own eyes"
--So how are you going to know which way to go?
A: Through counsel and prayer
--for every decision
Proverbs 21:7 EVERY MAN IS GUILTY OF ALL THE GOOD HE DIDN'T DO.--VOLTARE
Proverbs 21:13- "will also cry...and not be heard."
--This is not strictly regarding the monetarily poor.
--Some rich people may never lose money, but will be stricken by other grievances.
Proverbs 21:15 "joy for the just"
--you find joy in simply doing justice--not recognition.
Proverbs 21:22- Wisdom is the talent to wage war against life
Proverbs21:25-26- Looking up motorcycles etc "all day long."
Proverbs 24:1 Do not be envious of rich and greedy men, rock stars, actors, non-Christians in general.
Proverbs24:3-4 PRICE FAMILY PATRIARCH VERSE "Through wisdom a HOUSE is built."
Proverbs 24:6 "By wise counsel you will WAGE your own WAR..."
--Each person battles their own war.
--A wise person lets trusted and wise people INTO their PERSONAL LIFE "your own war" for guidance
Proverbs 24:7 "too lofty" or in modern/colloquial terms "too far out" "too deep" etc.
Proverbs 24:9 "The devising of foolishness is sin"
--Planning a prank!
--Doing foolish "young and alive" things is sinful.
Proverbs 24:10 "If you faint in the day of adversity your strength is small." mem verse?
Proverbs 24:11 Help the downtrodden or suicidal --- have a heart for them.
Proverbs 24:16 " A righteous man may fall seven times---AND RISE AGAIN."
--righteous men may fall often too.
Proverbs 24:32 "When I say it, I considered it well; I looked on it and received instruction; life verse?
Matthew 4:18-22 leaves me dumbfounded. "...He called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father, and followed Him." Jesus' disciples literally dropped the nets in their hands, left their boats and belongings, their father and followed Jesus with everything they had in them. (All but one were eventually martyred)
And it makes you think, what have I given up? What have I given up for the God that gave up everything for me?? Such nerve, such audacity I have to hold on to my fleshly desires! What complete and utter incompetence and weak frailty of will and discipline! (see SWB Wednesday, March 17, 2010 for the rest of this post) Luke 14:33- Am I willing to give up everything to be a disciple of Christ?

Ephesians 6:10 'finally my brethren, be strong in the Lord and the power of His might"

--How could we not be strong?

--We cannot be in a good walk with Christ and be weak.

Ephesians 6:13,14 "STAND"

Ephesians 6:20 We ought to speak BOLDLY of the gospel.


The Land and the Man

By Nolan Blake Price

Written Summer 2012

 

The land and the man:

We circle you

We climb you

We claim you

We warm you with our blood

You suffer us

You conquer us

You defend us

You entomb us in your mud.

Upon you, we persist but for us, you exist.

 

i<Him He<i

 

HE>i


The Blank Page

(written in G journal in 2011 or 2012, way in the back with all the other blank pages)

THE BLANK PAGE

Brilliancy has been poured on the blank page in countless times past. What genius does it require?

It requires courage. Truly courage to confront your emotions and embrace your deepest vulnerable thoughts.

I am a coward.

After courage grants you the raw material for a masterfully filled page, your adeptness as an artist is challenged, Only the most insightful of artists can elloquently carve his inmost thoughts into a glorious piece of literature,

I am inept.

-----Pick up the pen-----



 

 

From Nolan’s blog- A Solitary Walk (these entries are marked with SWB)

Friday, July 20, 2012

Past the Western Gate

When I read that a man should have at least one goal that is unattainable in his own lifespan, I was inspired. What could be such a tremendous and glorious goal that a man would set, yet not be able to achieve? And I'm not talking about not likely achieve. For instance, setting a goal to make one trillion in a month does not qualify. I mean a real quality goal. Mine hasn't taken full form yet in my mind - however, I know what it the big picture of it is. My goal... my chief goal that will not be attainable in my own lifespan, is to establish lasting principles and traditions of the Price family. That is my goal: the Price family.